Quick link: People Say We Fight A Lot

Yesterday Babble published my post about marriage and fighting. My husband and I have heard several times recently that people think we fight a lot. This bothered me, at first. Do we fight a lot? Do we fight in public? Do we make people uncomfortable? Do I nag, criticize, pick silly fights?

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While I’m sure I do some of those things some of the time, do we fight so often that we should be classified as a couple that fights a lot? And if so, what does that even mean?

My husband and I are both conflict avoiders. But, we’ve been married for 16 years, and so we just kind of say stuff. You know, stuff. Like when we have an opinion or when we disagree. We say it.

I hated his mustache; I told him so. In front of guests. And I blogged about it.

He disagreed with me on a political issue and made that clear. At dinner with friends.

We rarely have big, blow-out arguments, though of course they do happen. What are the three main things couples tend to fight about? Sex, money, and kids? Well, we have all three of those, so yeah, we fight.

Those fights are in private, and they’re actually fights.

But the stuff that goes on in public? We never thought of it as fighting. That is, until several people commented that they heard from others that we fight a lot. Apparently the news was spreading around.


I wondered what people expected from a couple married for 16 years. Did they think I would agree with everything he said? Or that he would adore every decision I made? Did they think one of us should shut our mouths?

Read on to find out why I think the way we communicate is a sign of the strength of our marriage, not a weakness.

People Say We Fight A Lot