Breastfeeding Doesn’t Always Work

Quick link: When Breastfeeding Doesn’t Work

Today I have my first piece up ever at Mamalode about trying to breastfeed the twins. It was hard. Way harder than I expected. It didn’t go well and I ended up quitting. This essay is short but deeply personal, being about something that has proven foundational in my mothering. It is about how stopping breastfeeding made me feel like a failure as a mother, at the time. But now, in retrospect and fourteen years in to this whole parenting gig, I see it as the exact opposite. It was me being a good mother. It was one of the first among innumerable choices I would be forced to make between my idealistic plans and reality.

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You were twenty-two years old when your husband and you came home from the hospital with newborn twins. Almost none of your friends had babies yet. You hated baby-sitting. You’d just been through nine months of carrying two babies and one was delivered vaginally while the second came via cesarean section. You were a mess.

And yet, you were determined to breastfeed. For all kinds of reasons but a primary one was cost. Remember how tight money was? You were recent university graduates with low-paying jobs and debt. You lived in a one-bedroom apartment.

The furniture in the living room had been pulled from the dumpster. Your parents brought paper bags of groceries. They thumbtacked twenty dollar bills to the wall. A friend brought two garbage bags full of diapers. Remember how you cried when you realized these would last almost a month?…

Click here to read the rest of When Breastfeeding Doesn’t Work.

*image via Flickr

*be sure to check out Faraway: A Suburban Boy’s Story as a Victim of Sex Trafficking by Daniel Maurer, official book launch is today!