Tips for the Parents of Third Culture Kids Going on College Tours
So. You’re going to college. Oh wait, you aren’t. Your kid is. Except they aren’t a kid anymore. Oh dear. What on earth is happening to your life?! I mean, when did you get so old? I mean, this is awesome and right and you’re so excited for your kid. Right? Here are just a few suggestions for how to get the most out of your, ahem, their college tours.
Don’t talk to the tour guide. You aren’t cool and your jokes aren’t funny. And, your kid needs to step up. Now’s the time. Back off.
Don’t ask questions on the tour. You aren’t on tour. You are just the driver. And probably the pocketbook.
Tell your child ahead of time that you aren’t going to talk or ask questions. This is their tour. They need to own it and if they want to know something, they can ask.
Follow your student. Let them lead you to where they want to sit, what they want to see.
Enjoy it. Enjoy the long drives, the (possible) overnights in hotels, the dinners or lunches out together. Explore new cities together, listen to good music (by which I mean your music) on the road, or podcasts, or talk about college, or sit in comfortable silence. Enjoy watching your child as they envision themselves on a campus.
Ask insightful questions of your child after the tour.
Make eye contact with your child during the tour, especially at goofy moments, so you can create memories and have some inside jokes to share later. My kids and I shared some laughs about the thrilled ooohs and aaaahs people expressed over on-campus Starbucks and giggles about how people reacted to hearing the word, “Djibouti.” We also used those slight eye glances to communicate things like, “Do you want a handful of Swedish Fish from my pocket to get you through this rather dull presentation?” and, “Yes, please!”
Don’t be a dream crusher. Help your child make wise decisions, but also let them dream. The wide world is before them, they will come up against enough limitations eventually. Don’t be one of those limits, at least not now.
Bring snacks. I had a few packages of, yes, Swedish Fish, in my purse. Mostly for me, but also for my teens. The tours can be long, especially if you’re doing several in a row. (see #7)
Don’t be a paparazzi but do take a few, surreptitious photos, both to remember which campus is which but also for your own sake. These are precious moments and they, like every other moment with your teens ever since they were born is fleeting.
Talk about something other than college with your teen on the drives or over meals. They are tired of people asking.
Read Janneke Jellema’s essay in Finding Home for advice on transitioning to university as a TCK.
Pick up Marilyn Gardner’s book Passages Through Pakistan for your TCK.
Read The Global Nomad’s Guide to University, by Tina L. Quick
What other tips do you have parents of TCKs on college tours?