Why Kids Should Never Play Outside, at Scary Mommy

Quick link: 10 Arguments for Letting Kids Stay Inside All Day

I’m excited to have an essay up at Scary Mommy today, my first in this venue. I wrote the piece super quickly one afternoon after the fiasco of the two ‘free-range’ kids being picked up and held by police. I don’t like that term free-range, it is just one more way of boxing in and categorizing, defining, and judging parents. Can’t we just parent? I don’t know, it all sees so complicated and far more stressful than it ought to be and parenting is already hard enough.

This is what came out of my frustration. You might think it is a good idea to send your kids outside to play. Well after you read this, you just might change your mind. It is a dangerous world out there.


You might be under the impression that playing outside is good for kids. Well, you’re wrong. Some American parents have been known to send their kids outside for as much as 4-7 minutes per day. They must be foolishly unaware of the risks, and there are many. See?

1. Grass. It’s so, so…earthy. It masks hidden horrors. There might be worms slithering around between grass blades. And those blades? They are so sharp and pointy-ended. Dangerous.

2. Wind. Hair gets tangled in the wind. Sometimes hair blows across a kid’s cheeks and tickles their nose or gets caught on an eyelash. Wind picks up dust, dirt, and leaves and whips these particles through the air at dizzying speeds, right at kids’ faces, where they might leave a dirt streak or lodge in eyes.

3. Birds. They poop…

Click here to read the rest: 10 Arguments for Letting Kids Stay Inside All Day