11 Ways to Wipe Your Dji-Booty Sans TP

I’m having fun with my silly, short, sometimes serious podcast episodes. They are all less than 10:00 so you can totally binge listen while doing push-ups and sit-ups or making a sandwich or eating donuts.

In Episode 11 I shared vital tips for facing the (apparent) toilet paper shortage.

11 other ways to wipe your dji-booty without toilet paper.

Some feedback I heard was to double down on the warning to not use poison ivy, or poison oak for that matter. Don’t do it. Just don’t. Seriously. Don’t.

Also, it is not recommended to use sticks or stones. I’m not sure why a person would be so intent on wiping their butt that they would choose to use a STICK, but there you have it. You did not hear that suggestion from me.

If you take a dump and the only thing in your vicinity is a stick (meaning, no left hand, no t-shirt, no stick of grass or non-poisonous leaf), let me humbly suggest you just LEAVE it on your butt. A poop streak does not seem to be your most dire issue at that point.

You can listen to all 11 suggestions at the Djibouti Jones COVID19 Diaries podcast, available at iTunes (why not subscribe? leave a review? a star, or five stars?), Anchor, Google Play, Spotify…all the places basically.

What’s your go-to wipe technique if the paper is gone?